I entered motherhood with an inordinate amount of hubris. I didn't know it then, but I sure recognize the signs now. Having spent most of my life with kids, either teaching, babysitting, I thought I had the parenting thing down pat. Boy, was I wrong! People warned me. Fellow teachers would say, "Just you wait. It's totally different when you have your own." The skeptic in me kept thinking, "How different could it really be? Come on!" I doled out parenting advice with abandon. My advice was abundant and plentiful, albeit completely lacking in personal experience. All it took to knock me down from my comfortable, self satisfied perch of alleged expertise was two weeks of colic. As I rocked, cradled, dipped, danced, sometimes even thrusted with my little nine pound bundle of joy, I had serious doubts about my ability to execute the job before me. Isn't it a mother's job to comfort her infant? The doubts still linger now and then but now I just know that it's part of the job description. I actually worry about the parents who don't worry.
Every time I start to get comfortable something changes in the pattern of our little one. Eva's always been a great sleeper and naps like a champ. Last week she started to resist her nap and sometimes even fusses at night too. Jeff and I have been going back and forth trying to analyze all of the causes of this sudden change. Two weeks into it and we are at the same point: Who knows? It could be any number of things (changes in her care, developmental shift, sickness, etc). All we can do is keep consoling her as we try to figure out this new life event. And of course we worry all the while. Is she OK? Is she sick? If we rock her to sleep each time, are we creating dependency on these coping mechanisms for sleep? I keep returning to the same conclusion and continue to trust my mothering instincts to do the best thing for her at that moment.
As we approach the Eve of Mother's Day, I've been reflecting on all the individuals out there who have supported my mothering efforts. If there is one thing I know for sure, it's the fact that no one does this gig without some kind of support team. Our first angel came in the form of a visit from our friend, Marnie, who taught Jeff and I how to bathe Eva and even spent the night by my side ready to help out when needed with nursing and soothing our little fussmunchkin. Only a week later, Aunt Joanie arrived who nursed us, not just Eva, back into shape after our first two weeks into the newborn state. I'll always be grateful for Michelle, Eva's beloved nanny who was with us from eight months to her second year of life. Eva adores her, as do we. I can't imagine those first few years without her support with caring for Eva.
And then there are all my mama friends who are a constant source of support and inspiration as they exhibit how fully and completely they love their little ones with abandon. My friend, Nina, is just a phone call or visit away as we share in the JOY of motherhood with our little lion cubs. This post would be incomplete if I did not give the biggest shout outs to my own mom who is the epitome of self sacrifice and love. Both our moms, Maureen and Mary, continually dole out their mothering wisdom. I also learned a great deal growing up as I watched my sisters, sister in laws, and nieces parent from afar. I will save my effusive praise for my husband for Father's Day. But I can't resist saying that I would not be such a good mom if I didn't have such a fabulous husband who also happens to be a pretty fantastic father.
Happy Mother's Day!
